2 days before starting week 14 (the second trimester!!), we had another doctor's appointment on June 1. Pregnancy and growing a baby is such an interesting, amazing journey... It's a constant mix of excitement, nervousness, joy, and so much more.
About a week or so before this appointment, I started feeling different... my boobs weren't as sore and I just felt more "normal" as in "before baby normal." I didn't want to complain, but it was hard not to question why I was feeling different... was something wrong with the baby? Is he/she still in there?? I was excited, but scared for our appt. On the Sunday before Memorial Day, my mom called and shared that my cousin Sean had died from a drug overdose. Tripp's grandfather was in the hospital. It felt like sadness and bad news was all we talked about in the family and I think that also made me nervous.
I was telling Tripp the other night that I am constantly praying for Jesus to ease my worries and trust in him. I ask for forgiveness constantly as I hate how much I do still worry and try to control the situation with this baby. I trust in God's plan and know he is in control - It's a struggle and likely always will be. BUT I'm really trying to focus on enjoying this pregnancy and not living for the next appointment. I don't want this to fly by.
At our appt, the doctor walked in and I told her I was nervous. She was totally chill, asking "why?" She immediately came over, put the jelly on my belly and we instantly heard the heart beat! It was so loud and fast - like a horse galloping! JOY AND RELIEF! Sweet babe's heart was beating perfectly. It was 156bpm. It was a quick, great appointment. We drove to Helena that night so we could spend the next few days mourning the loss of Sean. We had the funeral on Thursday, Friday we saw the Bettis fam, Saturday morning was the burial and we headed home Saturday afternoon. It was a whirlwind, sad few days. The funeral was amazing. 5 priests said the mass and it was powerful. The burial was just as beautiful and Ann and the boys released 3 doves (signifying the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and 1 dove in honor of Sean.
That week was another reminder of how precious life is. Tripp and I both talked about how we cannot imagine what my Aunt Ann and Uncle Sean are feeling... we are expecting our first-born... and theirs just went to heaven. Sean was such a sweet, good kid. He was the cousin that was closest to me in age and we had tons of memories growing up. We had definitely grown apart over the last 10 years, but looking at all of the pictures of him growing up with family and friends... such innocence.
Our next appointment is on July 6th - the full anatomy ultrasound and gender reveal! EEKKK!!! Can't wait to know if we have a he or she. I've been feeling good! Jazzercise is feeling more back to normal with my strength and stamina, boobs are less sore. Only negative symptom is fatigue. I'm still super tired all of the time... I have the most energy after teaching class between 7 and 10pm. I've been so lucky! Thankful to have felt so good so far :)
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